E N O U G H

Enough.

It’s all we see everywhere right now on social media. Being enough. You are enough. It’s true. It’s just such a same we don’t all believe it. Because we should 💗

It’s very hard to not let negative thoughts cross your mind about yourself, especially in these times when we’re all at home, not much to do but try to be productive... And with social media to stare at everyday. I don’t know about you, but I find myself feeling awful if I don’t do something with each day. If I don’t do a makeup look, a video or keep up with Instagram I feel like I’m not being a ‘go getter’. 

You’ll have heard me say the past couple weeks I’ve been feeling down and even my last blog post there, about getting into that silly little rut of just scrolllllllinggggg and that’s when it happens... The ‘I’m not enough’. Some people’s business pages and instagrams are so pleasing to look at, so matchy and themed. 

I look at mine. A hash. 

Each photo different, whether I’m doing a natural look, a mermaid, a Vegas post, oh there’s me in Canada, there’s me as Chucky the doll, a clown, there’s Thailand... None of it blends, doesn’t vibe like a lot of the big bloggers. Comparing. Photos aren’t as polished. But I take so much time to try and get it right? Still 🤷🏽‍♀️

Stop. 

I’m not the only one. We beat ourselves up sometimes, it certainly won’t be the last time I feel like this, bloody wish it would be because I know it’s an awful way to look at things, and I’m totally more positive in general but you get the off day. Lately throughout this, it’s happening a little more. But NO. Stop. Get that little demon out of your mind. Goodbye Felicia...

There’s nothing wrong with doing things a different way. We definitely need to see the positives in ourselves a bit more. And all around us. I mean it’s not jealousy, it’s not longing to be like someone else, we’re all looking at the others admiring and loving their content, their work, but just because it’s beautiful, and amazing and we look up to it, doesn’t make ours any less beautiful. Just like you look at a beautiful person- they may be beautiful, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t.

We are all enough. We’re all doing our thing, the best way we can, the best way we know how. Right now, with all this craziness going on, the last thing we need to be doing is putting pressure on ourselves for how much or how little we’re doing over this ‘lockdown’ period. It’s SOOO much easier said then done. And being woman, I’m sure some weeks it will be easier to deal with than others.

Being in the beauty industry, I LOVE seeing everyone’s creations online everyday, I live for it. But some weeks it gets me down thinking I should be hustling today, but I’m like eughhhhh I don’t wanna get out of my pjs 😂 Then that thought gets me all moody for the day, I feel useless. How riddic? Girl. We are allowed to take a day off social media. A day off thinking about what to create. I’ve been finding this part super hard to do. Let it go girl. This is a weird as time, don’t make it harder on yourself. Take a few extra pamper days a week- cause let me tell ya, you’ll be begging for them when we’re all back to work 😂

It’s amazing how I could sit there and look at someone, aspire to be like them, then I get a little message from someone saying that’s how they feel about me.. Well, shit, that made me cry, are you sure hun? There’s so much more out there 😂 But that right there, you have no idea who you’re impacting, and how people view you. And how lovely is that? Forget about the negativity, you can’t control how some people will take what you say or do, but that. You could be that for someone, and not know. 💗 

All we can do is support each other. Build each other up. Build yourself up too. Cause girl, and boy. You. GOT. This. Remember, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing, it matters what you are doing. And that you’re happy doing it. Be positive. Focus on your happiness. And if you’re proud of you, and you should be. Own it.

‘Master the chaos in you, 

you are not thrown into the fire, 

you are the fire’

Love SK xo

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LOCKDOWN | MONTH 1

What a 30th eh?

On the 14th March we had my surprise birthday- which I think was the last official night out? Even some of the gals couldn’t make it because of Coronavirus. I don’t like that old thing. Big 30 on the 17th March, couldn’t even get to Ramore ffs, RUDE. (I’m joking) there’s clearly more important things in the world... All month there’s been chat of this virus, we really didn’t think much of it.. like I really don’t think we expected this.

One of my best friends and I toasted to ‘our year’ at the spa with a cocktail and a glass of champers on the 1st of March. LOLLLL I mean it still could be. This is super crazy but if we stay safe and follow the rules this will pass. Regrettably we can’t control everything and lives will be lost, how sad is it that an actual sentence people say now is only ‘x’ amount of people died today and that’s promising... oh okay.😭

Most of my friends turn 30 this year. It was to be a year of celebration, all of us having been through something or another, and finally chucked it all in the fuck if bucket and ready to live. Take the bull by the balls (or is it horns? Either way, I got that sucker by the balls)... 

THEN CORONA 😭😂 

I’m not even going to discuss how hard the 21st of March was to close my salon, not knowing when I’ll be able to open again, or how business will be when we do. It’s definitely going to be a challenging first few months back, depending how this virus goes, but no one knows, we just have to take it day by day. It taught me just how much I love my job. How much I love you guys, my clients 😭💖

And this is all of us. We are so united in this. It really puts everything into perspective- what’s important in life.

I was so excited for all the celebrations for all of our 30th birthdays, every time it’s a big birthday we celebrate the whole month with our pals. And we always go in for each-other... Put it this way, I don’t care about presents, I’d rather spend time with people... make memories. I had an amazing birthday night, and I’m so gutted some of my other besties had to celebrate theirs in their houses! When this is all over we’ll be celebrating the rest of our lives just because we can, with the people we care about most.

I’ve spent the 1st month of quarantine analyzing, and thinking, and worrying over ridiculous things. You won’t know it; as most of the time, I’m able to stop it: I make a stupid tik tok, I do a creative look: I post non-stop on Instagram. But that keeps me busy. It keeps me semi sane. I do it simply because of the messages I get from you guys. People that enjoy what I post, say I’m an eijit, and they love the banter. That’s why I do it. Not one thing I post is fake. I’m trying to build an online... something anyway, presence? It’s good for business they say. And if I get there (wherever there is), I get there! And if I do , I’ll get there genuinely, and having fun, being true to myself and just living. And posting about it. Social media is meant to be that, social. There are way too many people out there spouting ‘positivity’ yet they won’t build others up. I see it every day. Learn to remove that negativity from your feed, from your life, is key.

It’s very easy during this time to read into everything, get paranoid, go into a dark place, and I AM SOOOO bad for bottling up little things then they turn into big things and I make this whole shit storm in my head over something, like a literal mountain out of a mole hill, for no reason. You are your own worst enemy in these situations, because 9/10 it’s totally all in your head. 

Even I was agreeing with the memes, ‘this will show you who really cares’, and all that, then just after I saw another one- ‘testing people’s loyalties during a pandemic is mental, not everyone is in the right mental space to be checking in with all their pals’.

I believe both arguments are true. It takes two seconds to check in though, the issue is with social media, we see people are ‘active’ or ‘online’ or sharing a post, yet they can’t message you? The the mind goes. This is where we need to step back from reading into things, cause it most likely has nothing to do with you, but it’s hard to not read into it, when you see the support for others, and the lack of support for you.  Why don’t they share my post? Like my post? Watch my story? 👀😂 Well probably because it’s 5 years long SK... 😂😂😂

There’s so much bullshit in that, BUT, I am a firm believer of support your pals, so even though I literally don’t care if I get 10 likes for 1000 (lol never in my life), your friends should be first on that list.  Friends are supposed to be your cheerleaders and you them.  I was roaring as Rebecca posted an amazing tutorial the other day and I was bigging it up, and she was being critical of herself, then I did the same and we both were basically telling each other how good our tutorials were while we both were so hard on our own lol! That’s girl power ✌️😂

 Sometimes we need to step away from social media. And take a breather. You could over analyse anything someone does on social media and create a problem that isn’t there. A famed talent of mine as I mentioned above.  Apart from literally updating my story 70 times a day, I don’t look at my phone otherwise. And I only post because I know a lot of you have been loving it, and I don’t want to let anyone down as this is such a weird, shitty time for a lot of people, and if watching some idiot (me) dress up in stupid outfits in her house makes you laugh then I’m here for it. 

I’m not gonna lie though, I have been enjoying a bit of a break, I haven’t enjoyed not being able to see my friends and family, but I’ve enjoyed a break. And this weather. But I can’t wait to get back to normality, and obviously a break in these circumstances isn’t really a break is it. People are sick and this is very real. And don’t start me on all the fake news. I just had to stop. 

I’ve left the house maybe 6 times in these last 5 weeks to go to the shop, my shop to check in or the post office. And by hiding at home, and my walks in the country, having stopped watching the news, I can almost pretend I’m on a longggg day or 200 off 🙈 Going to the shop makes it all real.

While I’ve been home, I’ve been productive with clearing out the house and the wardrobe, doing makeup looks, plenty of walking. But not everyday. Some days, i wear gym gear but don’t work out. Some days it’s jammies all day. Some days I force myself to make tik toks cause after a while I laugh and enjoy the banter watching them and picking which ones I’ll do. 

There is no right way to do this. And you do not have to be productive. You can have a day, a week. A month. BUT don’t do what I have done loads, which is over think EVERYTHING.  Get out of your head. Just breathe. Like we all need to, and take this time to relax. Or to do whatever the fuck you want to do. But don’t over think. Don’t worry. Because it will all be okay.  I’ve been keeping busy because that’s how I cope with things, you do whatever you need to in this time that helps you with that too 💖

Sending so much love, and please stay safe .

SK xoxo

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MY GIRL.

She's high again. She must be. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, how to help her, to make her know there is more to life than this. That she has to pick herself up somehow and get herself back. Only she can do it, and I'm too far away to be able to help. I only get messages when she is really low. They don't make any sense. I don't understand where it went wrong. I don't understand how she is feeling, why she is doing this to herself. I feel like I know her, I'm connected to her, but yet I don't know how to be. How did this happen? Where did we lose her. It hurts. I don't think I get by one day without thinking of her. My heart is broken. No one understands when I try to talk about it, 'She's not the same girl you knew, you have to get over it.' 

I can't.

We 'lost' her to drugs years ago. 6 years ago, maybe longer. I say lost because she isn't the same. I can see it in a brothers eyes when I ask about it, 'She hasn't been here for a long time shawna'... A wrong crowd, the weed, the meth, cocaine, pills, heroin? ketamine. I was never there. I live in Northern Ireland, so I couldn't be there. I've been home twice since. 

The first time I saw her since this all happened she wasn't there anymore. The girl who was my soul mate, my sister, my best friend. She was literally shaking, she was scared and nervous to see me. But I was too. I was sad because I know my soul sister is in pain. I feel it everyday for her, I can't help her and it kills me. She feels like she has no one but yet she is pushing everyone away and she won't get help. I went upstairs and I cried. I cried for the memories we had, how my life wouldn't have been the same without her. I cried that she couldn't be there for some of the most important parts of my life because she was in such a bad place, I cried for the memories we could be making but aren't because she won't get help. I cried because I left when I was 12, and what IF I stayed, and could have been there for her, through all of this and maybe helped? 

 I cried because little did I know, next time I was home to visit, she wouldn't want to see me, because she is ashamed, and thinks 'I'm successful' from what she sees online. Yes, I'm working hard, but that doesn't show how I feel. What's in my heart, what I'm going through in other aspects. And I'm far from where I want to be. And it definitely isn't something I would want as a reason someone I love so much wouldn't want to see me, and compare our lives. 

NEVER compare your journey to someone else's.

It's OKAY to not be OKAY. But we have to know when we need help, and ask for it. It's okay to need someone. Drugs is NOT the way, A man is also NOT the way. Not if he is also on drugs, pulling you down. Temporary happiness. If even. And the comedown from both? Not speaking from experience, but I'm sure it ain't great.

I have never touched a drug in my life. Well, I had a weed brownie one time when I was twenty, but that's it. This experience and seeing what it does to a family is enough to put me off for life. I've always been too scared of the effects it could have on my body, an overdose, just no. I had one boyfriend years ago snort coke in front of me, and I was like, Thank you, NEXT. I'm sorry if you do drugs, I always say I won't judge someone, and they can do what they want, that's all true, but for the love of GOD do you have that little respect for your life, for your family that you would snort it or inject it away? Oh, I only do it when I go out sometimes, Oh I'll only do it in Ibiza. No. Sorry. I'll never be on board with it. Keep your shit out of my face. If you want a lecture, Hi, I'm here for it. DON'T waste your life. And if you are deep, like DEEP- please get help.

Life is HARD. I'm not gonna lie, I see the appeal, the escape. Feeling free, something to take you away from all your troubles and worries, but for what? a day? Fry your brain a little more. This is an illness, and we can't give up on people. We can't give up on ourselves.

It's hard, but get the help, get out there, get a job, make some money, book a holiday, make a life. I know that might sound so hard when you're in a frame of mind, but baby steps. I've had such a struggle over the past few years, with a lot of different things mentally, and seeing other friends going through the same things, or different things that just get too much, but you know what I did, I turned to eating shite, being depressed, anxious and then realising, no this NEEDS to stop, I need to focus on me a little, so I joined a gym. I got rid of  'friends' that were no good for me, that were dragging me down or making me feel like shit, and picked myself the fuck up. I opened a business, not all in this order,  I'm still not where I want to be physically or emotionally, or in business and I probably could do with going to the doctor about my irrational fears/ silly little panic attacks, but so far by focusing on me, my business and having a few great girls and guys by my side has just helped. I couldn't get by without my people. They know who they are and big love to you <3

But in this life, I really think you find more then one soul mate. People that you meet, and that's just it. you know it fits with them. I'm lucky to have a few of those. My people. My loves, My sisters, brothers, family. And when they break, I break. Almost like a twinnuition people talk about, like twins just know or get a feeling, I think you get that with your people. Even if they are half way across the world. You can sense something isn't right. And you want to fix it. But only we can fix ourselves. Don't throw your life away. For your family who love you, for your friend who worries every day, but mostly, for you. DON'T waste your time worrying or feeling down, or caring what other people think, if you aren't happy, change it. And SCREW what anyone has to say about it.

If you need help, ask for it. Someone is always there to help someone who needs it. Don't waste anymore time. And don't push the people away who love you most and want to be there for you.

Do YOU, for YOU. 

YOU got this <3 


Love 
SK xoxo

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TWENTY | NINE

2 9

Twenty nine.

Two. Nine.

Nope.

I feel like Joey from friends around all their 30th birthdays. ‘Why God, why are you doing this to us?!!!’

One year older, another year wiser? Doubtful. Birthday’s are turning into this time I dread, apart from the great excuse to get together with all your besties and have great craic, I sit there after everyone is gone and think. This is it. I’m getting old. It’s not okay. I’m not okay.

My brain has turned to mush lately, I genuinely feel like I’m having a mid life crisis. Let’s not call it that cause like, I hope I’ve more than 30 more years left in me 🤢 IT’S SO SCARY. Like where did these 29 years go? And the years are only going faster, there’s so much I want to do and I feel like I nearly don’t have enough time. 

Last time I wrote a blog, and let you all into my crazy, it helped, because so many of you understood, so many of you thanked me for being so honest, because these things need to come to light I guess, and I think these things are more so now. Mental health, is no joke. And we all have so many thoughts, we are so hard on ourselves, and our minds can be our worst enemy. We are totally all in the same boat, different journey’s, but we all have to do this thing called life, the best we can.

Do I always make the right decisions? No.

Am I a good person? Debatable .

Am I trying to do the best I can? And trying to do what makes me happy at the same time? Yes. 

Unfortunately what makes you happy might not make others, and it’s pretty shit and pretty hard to get the balance right there. I wrote a blog back in September, and didn’t post it about a book I’ve been reading called ‘The life changing magic of not giving a F*ck’.

I find I’ve been implementing the practices in this book quite well, I definitely don’t care as much about what people think, like me or hate me, byeeeeeee. And my bullshit meter runs on level- not today 🤚. Which we all definitely should follow! 

But here, this post is supposed to talk me and you, into being more positive- because the point I made up there, we are all in this together, that right there should give us all some comfort. 

.......

I started writing this blog post yesterday, and didn’t get it finished as I couldn’t find the right words to finish it off. And today, I woke up to the awful news going on in our country, and 3 young people who lost their lives in Cookstown, waiting to have a good night out, the mother in Carlingford found in the Lough, and my post and my thoughts and anxiety seem so silly. This is so beyond devastating I can’t even begin to imagine the pain these families are going through, the people there that witness the horrific events, and the people there for a weekend in Carlingford that all went wrong.

A young girl in my work the other day said to me, ‘tomorrow is promised to no one’. And that hit me like a tone of bricks. Tomorrow, who knows. We only have now. Which gives me that complete loss of breath I talk about, but we have to go for it, live, not workworkworkworkwork just to get by, I know it’s so shit we have to work cause we need money to live, but try to not dwell on the things we can’t change, and make the absolute most of right now. 

My heart is truly broken for all the sadness in this world, so many things we just can’t control. And on the mental health front,  I just hope we can all be stronger  in ourselves. And truly live . ❤️

Easier said then done, but someone is always there for you if you need it. 

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone affected by the recent tragedies ❤️

Love,

SK xx

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I N S I D E | OUT

My last blog started to get personal, and it was the blog I've had the most views on everrr and so many of you messaged me privately about it, which is so nice! I thought we'd get personal again, because lately- I've been massively in my head and I just thought, why not write.

I'm not a writer, I can barely speak English let alone write it in a way that uses the correct grammar, and there's most definitely going to be a spelling mistake or a word missing in places. Even with checking over it again, I never catch it on. But hey, I'm not professing to be class at this, I'm just writing the way I speak! :)

I'm not entirely sure if this should be let out there for the world to see all my crazy, but sure. 

I'm 28 years old (young some would say) 28. 28. 2. 8. Twenty-Eight. Ew. Almost 30. what is life. I don't feel like an adult. I don't really like adulting. I hate making decisions, especially serious ones. Unless it's makeup related, I'm one of those people that will spend 2 hours deciding what I want for dinner then huff and not eat cause I can't decide. I hate super serious things, they make me awkward. I'm a fun, silly, girl that loves all the banter, funny sex jokes and innuendos, I don't take any bullshit, but this all came with hitting my 20s, but so did a bunch of other shit.

10 years ago today, 18 years old, My Meema passed away. We spent the summer in Canada, which was to be the last time I saw her. My heart still breaks a little every time I think about that. After she passed, lots of awful truths started to come out that she wasn't the woman I thought she was. I understand that, and there's a lot of hurt there for a lot of my family which is horrendous, but she was still my Meema, and was always the best to me. Again, only child thing I was spoilt, and she was one of the ones that contributed massively to that haha. Funny example: I wanted my belly pierced when I was 12 and mom wouldn't let me, so I rang meema and she gave mom shit until mom finally agreed to take me. See. Spoilt. 

When she was sitting there in her chair in what was to be her last days, smoking- with her oxygen mask on, might I add- for those of you would don't know--- that could literally have blown us all up. But anyway, watching the Cancer just eat her alive. I was young and just couldn't quite hack that. I spent most of the summer with my girl Nic, and just saw Meema around spending time with Nic, not really realising the full extent to what was happening never having been through this before. She died alone in the hospital a few short weeks after we came back to NI. And that both upsets and petrifies me.

I think in your 20s you start to really realise, like holy shit I need to be an adult here. You maybe start to live, not so care free and realise there's some real serious shit goes on in this world- more important than who kissed who on a Saturday night at Kelly's (kissed... ha).

Now, I have a few things as an adult that haunt me, and not just my bills! Death. My Head. My body. And repeat.

All of these are linked in someway for me. Mentally, as mortified as I am to write this, I've been terrified. At the start of this year- I hated being alone unless I had something to do to preoccupy myself, but it's not for being needy, it's genuinely not about that, it's to save myself from my stupid, stupid thoughts. I know they are just that, but I keep finding myself in these moments, and I don't know how I got to it, where it came from, how my mind got into that place- but it does, and I can't breathe for a moment and I have to just let it win and cry to release it. I'll find myself driving, not knowing how I got from A to B, just lost. I think its panic attacks, I've never been to talk to anyone. So this is like, a big deal to admit outloud. I've had to just pull the car over and try to pull myself together because out of nowhere I just can't.

'

It's death, it happens to us all, but I can't shake the fear. Fear of loosing more people I love, fear of not doing everything I want to do before it comes to me to. Fear of what's next. Knowing I'm totally so young, but I'm not getting any younger. Buying a house soon, people asking about when the kids are coming. Fuck I haven't even gotten to Vietnam yet ! * insert monkey face covering eyes emoji. I'm insane, I know, it sounds so crazy.. I think in my head there's just so much I would love to do and see and achieve and you feel like there's an expiry date. I don't know. 

I think this fear hit me more so when I saw my grandpa C going through his last years too. It was so awful. Life really isn't fair. You work so hard your entire life, then when you should get to be enjoying your retirement and enjoying your family, you get handed some Cancer and Parkinsons for good measure. It's a sick twisted joke. It's simply just not fair at all. I had to put on a brave face for everyone, I held my shit together pretty well until he came home. 

I try to keep myself super busy, and live life to the full, but how do you do that when you're trying to build a future? They all say 'Don't be too busy making a living, you forget to make a life'.  I've been so busy over the past two years sorting out my business, and then when I have days off, sometimes instead of being productive my head goes elsewhere. But this has taken a toll on my body. I've been down and not arsed so I've just ate. Not a lot, I don't actually eat that much, I would maybe only eat twice a day- but when I do/did it was a mcdonalds, chinese, chippy. Some kind of awful takeaway and 30 buns, sitting in all my shite watching a movie and replying to clients. I've gained 3 stone since I got married, 2 of which over opening the shop- which I just blamed on stress and thought, it's fine, I'll sort it, until I realised the actual figures and was like holy good god woman pull yourself together. NO MORE of this bullshit.

So, not just for my physical appearance, but for my mind, I need to get myself right. I started going to the gym more, throwing myself into my work and now I can't win as I'm just so tired, ha! I had gotten myself into this state where I never wanted to go out out with friends, I'm always the fat one, I'll never look as good, I get in my head so much I don't go, or turn down nights out cause I know I'll be so self conscious and paranoid when I'm out that I'll get drunk and grumpy or boke, standard shawn. 

Slowly, I can feel myself starting to feel a little bit better. In myself, a little more confident, even just with people. I mean, I'm by no means shy, when I'm comfortable... But I am not comfortable in myself right now which kinda turns me into a recluse. There really is so much more to going to the gym for your body, looks, health, but for your actual mental health. I'm not saying I need help or I have a mental health issue, maybe I do, I don't know, but mentally I haven't felt myself. Going to Studio 365, It's pushed me totally out of my comfort zone and I've had to socialise in a place I would usually be so self conscious. 

The trainers are amazing, and so helpful, and the friends I've met in there are top class. It's just all real people. No bullshit. And it just helps make you fill like you fit.

I want to do this for me, I want to feel confident in myself , look good and feel good inside and out. I know when I feel good physically how much it changes my attitude. I think not being happy in myself has then given me this fear and all these depressing thoughts. My dad once said, 'There's no point stressing about things you can't change, dude'. So lets change stress into positivity.

I bought a few books that I keep seeing people get, thinking they'll inpire me, and give me some kinda positive outlook- but when I researched a few of them they come up under 'self help books'... I really don't feel I need self help... I just wanted something empowering, inspiring, power of positive thinking. 

We all go through shit. We all have struggles. We all worry. It's okay to not be okay, we just have to pick ourselves back up. It's okay to have a bad day, we just have to remember it's a bad day, not a bad life. (Any more sayings and quotes I should throw in?) :)

Anway!! I hope you all don't think I'm  totally nuts....

 

Here's to changing things that don't make you happy! Stripping the negative vibes, living more positively, and hoping making these few changes will help inside and out <3

 

Until next time,

(maybe I'll do a skincare post)...

Love SK 

xx

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I N S I D E | 1

Where it all began.

So, you all seem to like a good life post on top of a good old makeup post. I have had this one written, and edited and rewritten for like a year. Maybe I can write it better now, and leave it with a message that I will be more active on this. It's been SO long. Running a business takes a lot more out of you then you think! Behind all the glam and lashes (and lets be real, if you come in tuesday-thursday I usually have no makeup on lol), running a shop is hectic and tiring.

Well, everyone loves a good 'real' post. So if you want to know a little bit more about me, inside and out, read on, if not probably stop now. No really, this is going to be like a dear, dear diary moment, or 10. Everyone knows the makeup, the silly girl with the, wait is that American, No it's Ballymena, ummm, Australian? No Canadian, accent situation... So how did we, Mother and I, get to this beautiful green country, and why did we leave Canada?

Well, if you asked a little shit called Jenna back in Grade 6 (p6 to you), they'd tell you it's because another little shit called Britney, who was apparently just a skinnier version of me, bullied me into moving across the world. Ohhhhhhh Kids, they're GREAT. Get your violins out, yes stumpy over here got bullied. It's okay though, cause Karma's a bitch. She'll keep things right.

I should probably start by saying, my life in Vancouver was great. I had my Mom, my Meema and my hero- my Peepa. Peepa is my grandpa, he was grandpa and dad to me, and to this day is always there if you need him, just a facetime away. He's Croatian, so naturally I'm a mutt. A little bit of everything in me lol! Where was Dad? Come to think of it, growing up I don't actually think I ever asked that question, you know you see on TV all these little kids asking mommy the question, I don't think I needed to, because I didn't need him. I had my 3 angels, I didn't need no other mannnnn. Ha.

Where was Dad? The man I call dad, I first met on MSN video chat. MSN, the tinder of the 90s for all our parents lol... I was like, 9, maybe 10, and all the sudden we are like checking the time to see if 'Hella_uncool' is online to chat and what time it is in Ireland. EW. I was your typical kid. Who's this weird man I cannot understand chatting to mom. Ew, why is he coming to visit, EWWWW she's going there, what's IRELAND, and do they even have cars there? Does William Wallace live in this land? But mom, I just got my period- do they have pads there? or do I have to make a diaper?? Mom even wondered would she need a horse and cart to get to work. Fact. All the questions.

BOOM- 2001. Weird Irish man is moving to Canada, What kinda name is Ivy for a man anyway. I loved making life really difficult for them. Standard teen protocol, no? It was just us for so long, who knew 3 isn't always a crowd :) I remember always going to get a Sarah's Ice Cream in Ladner, BC. And one time he said no. We were NOT friends anymore after that. Standard, only happy when I'm being fed or bought something... True story. Ask anyone. I like food, and presents. hah! Who doesn't though!

If you haven't gathered, I'm an only child. Some people treat that term as if Satan himself created us. The disgusting breed of an only child... SO selfish, SO vain, SO needy, Blahhhhhhhh blahhh blahhhh... Don't all rush to disagree !! haha!! I think everyone has a little bit of all those things in them sometimes, its not just saved for the 'only child' species. I often get 'you wouldn't understand being an only child'. - I'm Sorry... Does being an only child mean I lack compassion, the knowledge of right and wrong, and how to treat people with respect? No. I've met lots of people with siblings who lack in many of these life skills, so bitch... PLEASE.

ANYWAY- my point is, being an only child, my friends are my family. So when the decision was made for me, that life was soon going to be changing, my heart wasn't just broken that I wouldn't see my meema and peepa every day. But my beautiful Was&Sams. I won't list their names incase they're like whyyyy you blogging about me lol!! 

Mom2 and Dad2- I was never left their house, there was my beautiful sister from another mistaaa, and my two baby bros- Who are now triple my size and could throw me around no problem.. Which is funny because Nic and I used to dress them up in bikinis... Well the older one anyway- he was more fun to make fun of, the young one was our little baby. But god, we loved them both. They were her brothers, and I know they aren't my blood, but they are my family, and I, to this day hate being so far away. Nonetheless, I love visiting- almost every year, and spending time with them.

No one will ever understand the absolute love I have for baby girl N. She is only a year younger, but she is and always will have this massive space in my heart. I actually can't even write that sentence without getting emotional. I grew up with her from her day 1 and we were inseparable. Things change so much with time, and it breaks my heart I can't be with her, through all the good times and the bad, and it really is so hard being so far away. 

So 2002. Northern Ireland. NOT Ireland. You can't call it that, some people will get offended by that. Religion. YOU cannot talk about religion freely. It's a touchy subject. Oh my good grief, I'm gonna get beat up if I believe in God. Where am I going???

I was 12. 12 years old when I joined Cullybackey High. It. WAS. Awful. I stood up for a Christian boy for being made fun of for being a 'bible basher'. That was it. Rep ruined. Being the new girl from Canada wasn't going to save me. Kids are assholes. I genuinely couldn't grow up at school now. ITS so bitchy, and social media just makes it so much worse... It was only starting when I was at school.I was the prude, the slut, the lesbian( not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm not lol) I had slept with people I didn't even know, and all at the age of 12... No. Just NO.

And if there's any advice I could give to anyone that is being verbally and mentally abused at school- until you stand up for yourself, and let them know you don't care, even if you do, be brave and give a big FUCK you. Because, school is nothing but a little piece of your whole life. Don't let anyone walk all over you. EVER. I learnt that too late. If I could go back, I'd be a 12 year old with a I don't care attitude towards all the wankers of the world that have a chip on their shoulder. You are amazing. So keep being amazing and don't let anyone get you down. 

Sorry, story within a story- I cut that short because, this isn't about that- but thinking about it makes me wanna just go to school and bash all the mean girls in the face for all the girls that are too nice, too shy, misunderstood or have their heads in the books. You beautiful girls and boys will go far <3 And would I change standing up for that boy in the park. No. Stand up for what you believe in.

By 5th year, everyone kinda grew up a little and we all just got along. But I couldn't have gotten through school without Steven and Liz... 16 years of love right there. Liz is the one you ring, and no matter what she's going to answer. Steven, you might have to ring, 30 times and leave 10 voicemails, snapchats and pm's, dm's, whatsapp and text... But he'll get there eventually.. lol

From there, it was A-levels at the Academy, Degree from Coleraine, 12, yes 12 jobs... in like 3 years!! and 10 applications to Xfactor later... lol and then here I am. (never actually went to an Xfactor audition though, it just wouldn't be fair on all the other contestants)... hah!! But in all these years I've made some amazing friends. Friends I call family. I don't have to list you all, you know who you are and I love you <3

All in all, moving to Northern Ireland wasn't so bad. Apart from the obvious, missing my family. I still have my little bit of family here, my little lily and big husband lol! And we got my grandpa to 
get an Iphone so facetime is a lifesaver. My family in Toronto and Montreal- are also missed, and I wish growing up I could have been closer to them all. But we all have busy lives, and live all over the place. So its hard to be in touch all the time, but the love is there<3

I guess this was just a little bit of a diary entry, rather than a blog. I'll stick to the reviews and makeup from now on, maybe the odd rant lol! But hopefully it was a good read, or someone can relate to moving half way across the world :)

Until next time beauties.

Love

SK xx 

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B E A U T Y . B L E N D E R

“These tools were created to apply makeup easily by artist Ree Ann Silva. The innovative beautyblender® sponge holds water, not product, evenly distributing and blending the perfect amount of cream, powder, or liquid formulas into skin without lines.”

So I’m here today to prove it. I own SK makeup studio, and I wanted to stock amazing products in store that I stand by, what’s the point in having a shop that I own and hating the products I sell ? So I won’t bring in anything rubbish! My favorite product that I sell is In face the beauty blender. I love the way it applies foundation, not only foundation but other products as well, down to your skincare!

 So I put an old beauty blender of mine to the test to make sure it lives by this line of ‘holds water, not product’. I cut it in half, what you should see is that the makeup is around the blender, not inside! And yes, it is! Unreal! 

Now I’ve used many ‘fake’ beauty blenders, fake is maybe harsh, not fake but you know what I mean, kinda copies, other brands of beauty sponges. The closest one is probably real techniques, but the best one by far is the Original beauty blender. It’s so soft, I find a lot of other ones are too hard and don’t blend out the product the same way. I’m this case I definitely think in this case it’s worth spending the extra to get the OBB :) its an unreal tool ! Your foundation will look so seamless ! #flawless 

beautyblender® is the world’s first edgeless, reusable, high-definition cosmetic sponge applicator.

Only thing is - they do recommend you replace your B.B. every 3 months, I try to get an extra month or two out of mine by really looking after it- and keeping it clean.

Love 

SK Xx

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PRO FACIAL

Hi lovelies!!

On the skin care topic, I started researching a bit more into facials, one thing I forgot to say in the last post is what a lot of you probably thought 'thats a risk with facials you can potentially break out' NOOOOOO. I've had LOADS of facials, and that one, not this profacial, the one I was talking about in the last post, is the only one that ever caused that. So, what can happen with a facial is the spots you have under the skin will be brought to the surface and heal up afterwards in a couple days!

So with this facial, there are 4 different elements, the use the machine below and those little tools to massage/'suck' at your face (lol) sorry its the only way I can describe it! But, its the most impressive facial I've ever had, if you struggle like me with your skin, it's worth giving it a try.

I tried this about a month after my skin disaster, and it paired with my new skincare routine definitely helped my skin, after the facial i had about 3 spots come to a head, and after 2-3 days they were totally gone. NOW thats what a facial does. 

My skin felt refreshed, smoother and so so clean!

I defo felt unreal after it.

 

See below the steps to the facial: 

So you get up onto the bed, and they start wih showing you the water filled jar- this was clear when it started, so it shows you its now all cloudy from all the impurities in my skin being removed. BUT she did say usually its alot worse, so my skin actually had got a lot better throughout the month or it would have probably been filled with more crap lol!

I wrote this blog back in june when I got this for the first time.... I obviously didn't publish it. TOP blogger...

Now its november- I've had the facial twice since the deets given above- and honestly my skin is like LOVE YOU GIRLLLLL <3 I'm gonna post up Danielle's details, her salon is so handy -its just by Lifestyle fitness in Pennybride, Ballymena!

https://www.facebook.com/beautifillsecret/

Defo check her out, for all you facial, and evennnn botox needs!! Maybe I'll try that next... 

Love
Sk xx

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ALL FACE

I'm BACK!!!!

Well, hopefully! Running a business and getting time to do this is hard to juggle. But I've so much I want to blog and tell you, so, any of you that have followed me on snapchat/facebook, you'll know I'm obsessing over skincare.

So, I had finally got my skin right, and went for a facial, the facial shall not be named, some might know that are close to me, but I don't like writing bad reviews especially if it can affect a someone and their business. It's not fair to, as just because it didn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't work for you, although it definitely put me off and I wouldn't recommend it just in case.

This happened around the end of may, and I'm only now getting my skin back in order! Now when I got this facial, I was told I wouldn't break out, but I was also given new skincare, and after reading more about it, I shouldn't have been trying new skincare after this facial. So without saying more about it... THIS is what my skin looked like after it. It felt tight, swollen, and so so sore! I had pimples and little tiny blisters all over my face, it was not ideal at all. 

My skin NEVER looks like this. And these photos don't even show how bad it actually was. But anyway, I watched a Samantha Ravandahl video on youtube, see below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaDorSHXvy8&t=860s

Literally watch that video- It changed my skincare life!! I bought the toner, the Good Genes and the UFO oil first, but last week I bought the cleanser.

So I've been using the 3 products, for 2 months now and my skin has improved so so much. Now one important fact- for the first week I only used in once every 3 days, week 2 I used it every other day, then week 3 I started using it EVERY day!  And I'll post a pic of my skin now :)

Still some scaring but its almost away!!

I needed a new cleanser, so I ordered the ceramic slip and used it for the first time last night. I'm going to do the same thing and only use it every other day to introduce it into the regime. This stops purdging, which means you won't or shouldn't anyway, break out!

This video spoke to me, I went all of june with a big spotty face, no selfies, feeling insecure, its bad enough I worry about my weight, I don't need to worry about my face too !!!!And its now the end of august, so I've been using this Sunday Riley skincare since July :)

I'm also loving the PIXI Glow toner! 

One thing I will say is, the Good Genes does sting my face every so slightly when I put it on! But it doesn't last very long anyway.

So my facial Routine is - Remove my Makeup with the Makeup Eraser- which you can buy @ Sk makeup studio in Ballymena, when my makeup is removed, I'll cleanse with my new cleanser from sunday riley- ceramic slip. Then I tone with the martian toner, pop half a pump of good genes all over, avoiding the under eye area. Lastly, just 2-3 drops of the UFO oil ! This has worked a treat for me. I do this every night. And about 2/3 times a week I'll add exfoliating into the mix ! Unreal .

So I defo recommend girls, its all quite pricey, but you can search sunday riley products on cult beauty - https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/sunday-riley?ref=brands

If you have any questions, give me a shout! although that video I linked up there is awesome and gives you a lot of info <3

Talk soon,
Love SK xx

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