E N O U G H

Enough.

It’s all we see everywhere right now on social media. Being enough. You are enough. It’s true. It’s just such a same we don’t all believe it. Because we should 💗

It’s very hard to not let negative thoughts cross your mind about yourself, especially in these times when we’re all at home, not much to do but try to be productive... And with social media to stare at everyday. I don’t know about you, but I find myself feeling awful if I don’t do something with each day. If I don’t do a makeup look, a video or keep up with Instagram I feel like I’m not being a ‘go getter’. 

You’ll have heard me say the past couple weeks I’ve been feeling down and even my last blog post there, about getting into that silly little rut of just scrolllllllinggggg and that’s when it happens... The ‘I’m not enough’. Some people’s business pages and instagrams are so pleasing to look at, so matchy and themed. 

I look at mine. A hash. 

Each photo different, whether I’m doing a natural look, a mermaid, a Vegas post, oh there’s me in Canada, there’s me as Chucky the doll, a clown, there’s Thailand... None of it blends, doesn’t vibe like a lot of the big bloggers. Comparing. Photos aren’t as polished. But I take so much time to try and get it right? Still 🤷🏽‍♀️

Stop. 

I’m not the only one. We beat ourselves up sometimes, it certainly won’t be the last time I feel like this, bloody wish it would be because I know it’s an awful way to look at things, and I’m totally more positive in general but you get the off day. Lately throughout this, it’s happening a little more. But NO. Stop. Get that little demon out of your mind. Goodbye Felicia...

There’s nothing wrong with doing things a different way. We definitely need to see the positives in ourselves a bit more. And all around us. I mean it’s not jealousy, it’s not longing to be like someone else, we’re all looking at the others admiring and loving their content, their work, but just because it’s beautiful, and amazing and we look up to it, doesn’t make ours any less beautiful. Just like you look at a beautiful person- they may be beautiful, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t.

We are all enough. We’re all doing our thing, the best way we can, the best way we know how. Right now, with all this craziness going on, the last thing we need to be doing is putting pressure on ourselves for how much or how little we’re doing over this ‘lockdown’ period. It’s SOOO much easier said then done. And being woman, I’m sure some weeks it will be easier to deal with than others.

Being in the beauty industry, I LOVE seeing everyone’s creations online everyday, I live for it. But some weeks it gets me down thinking I should be hustling today, but I’m like eughhhhh I don’t wanna get out of my pjs 😂 Then that thought gets me all moody for the day, I feel useless. How riddic? Girl. We are allowed to take a day off social media. A day off thinking about what to create. I’ve been finding this part super hard to do. Let it go girl. This is a weird as time, don’t make it harder on yourself. Take a few extra pamper days a week- cause let me tell ya, you’ll be begging for them when we’re all back to work 😂

It’s amazing how I could sit there and look at someone, aspire to be like them, then I get a little message from someone saying that’s how they feel about me.. Well, shit, that made me cry, are you sure hun? There’s so much more out there 😂 But that right there, you have no idea who you’re impacting, and how people view you. And how lovely is that? Forget about the negativity, you can’t control how some people will take what you say or do, but that. You could be that for someone, and not know. 💗 

All we can do is support each other. Build each other up. Build yourself up too. Cause girl, and boy. You. GOT. This. Remember, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing, it matters what you are doing. And that you’re happy doing it. Be positive. Focus on your happiness. And if you’re proud of you, and you should be. Own it.

‘Master the chaos in you, 

you are not thrown into the fire, 

you are the fire’

Love SK xo

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LOCKDOWN | MONTH 1

What a 30th eh?

On the 14th March we had my surprise birthday- which I think was the last official night out? Even some of the gals couldn’t make it because of Coronavirus. I don’t like that old thing. Big 30 on the 17th March, couldn’t even get to Ramore ffs, RUDE. (I’m joking) there’s clearly more important things in the world... All month there’s been chat of this virus, we really didn’t think much of it.. like I really don’t think we expected this.

One of my best friends and I toasted to ‘our year’ at the spa with a cocktail and a glass of champers on the 1st of March. LOLLLL I mean it still could be. This is super crazy but if we stay safe and follow the rules this will pass. Regrettably we can’t control everything and lives will be lost, how sad is it that an actual sentence people say now is only ‘x’ amount of people died today and that’s promising... oh okay.😭

Most of my friends turn 30 this year. It was to be a year of celebration, all of us having been through something or another, and finally chucked it all in the fuck if bucket and ready to live. Take the bull by the balls (or is it horns? Either way, I got that sucker by the balls)... 

THEN CORONA 😭😂 

I’m not even going to discuss how hard the 21st of March was to close my salon, not knowing when I’ll be able to open again, or how business will be when we do. It’s definitely going to be a challenging first few months back, depending how this virus goes, but no one knows, we just have to take it day by day. It taught me just how much I love my job. How much I love you guys, my clients 😭💖

And this is all of us. We are so united in this. It really puts everything into perspective- what’s important in life.

I was so excited for all the celebrations for all of our 30th birthdays, every time it’s a big birthday we celebrate the whole month with our pals. And we always go in for each-other... Put it this way, I don’t care about presents, I’d rather spend time with people... make memories. I had an amazing birthday night, and I’m so gutted some of my other besties had to celebrate theirs in their houses! When this is all over we’ll be celebrating the rest of our lives just because we can, with the people we care about most.

I’ve spent the 1st month of quarantine analyzing, and thinking, and worrying over ridiculous things. You won’t know it; as most of the time, I’m able to stop it: I make a stupid tik tok, I do a creative look: I post non-stop on Instagram. But that keeps me busy. It keeps me semi sane. I do it simply because of the messages I get from you guys. People that enjoy what I post, say I’m an eijit, and they love the banter. That’s why I do it. Not one thing I post is fake. I’m trying to build an online... something anyway, presence? It’s good for business they say. And if I get there (wherever there is), I get there! And if I do , I’ll get there genuinely, and having fun, being true to myself and just living. And posting about it. Social media is meant to be that, social. There are way too many people out there spouting ‘positivity’ yet they won’t build others up. I see it every day. Learn to remove that negativity from your feed, from your life, is key.

It’s very easy during this time to read into everything, get paranoid, go into a dark place, and I AM SOOOO bad for bottling up little things then they turn into big things and I make this whole shit storm in my head over something, like a literal mountain out of a mole hill, for no reason. You are your own worst enemy in these situations, because 9/10 it’s totally all in your head. 

Even I was agreeing with the memes, ‘this will show you who really cares’, and all that, then just after I saw another one- ‘testing people’s loyalties during a pandemic is mental, not everyone is in the right mental space to be checking in with all their pals’.

I believe both arguments are true. It takes two seconds to check in though, the issue is with social media, we see people are ‘active’ or ‘online’ or sharing a post, yet they can’t message you? The the mind goes. This is where we need to step back from reading into things, cause it most likely has nothing to do with you, but it’s hard to not read into it, when you see the support for others, and the lack of support for you.  Why don’t they share my post? Like my post? Watch my story? 👀😂 Well probably because it’s 5 years long SK... 😂😂😂

There’s so much bullshit in that, BUT, I am a firm believer of support your pals, so even though I literally don’t care if I get 10 likes for 1000 (lol never in my life), your friends should be first on that list.  Friends are supposed to be your cheerleaders and you them.  I was roaring as Rebecca posted an amazing tutorial the other day and I was bigging it up, and she was being critical of herself, then I did the same and we both were basically telling each other how good our tutorials were while we both were so hard on our own lol! That’s girl power ✌️😂

 Sometimes we need to step away from social media. And take a breather. You could over analyse anything someone does on social media and create a problem that isn’t there. A famed talent of mine as I mentioned above.  Apart from literally updating my story 70 times a day, I don’t look at my phone otherwise. And I only post because I know a lot of you have been loving it, and I don’t want to let anyone down as this is such a weird, shitty time for a lot of people, and if watching some idiot (me) dress up in stupid outfits in her house makes you laugh then I’m here for it. 

I’m not gonna lie though, I have been enjoying a bit of a break, I haven’t enjoyed not being able to see my friends and family, but I’ve enjoyed a break. And this weather. But I can’t wait to get back to normality, and obviously a break in these circumstances isn’t really a break is it. People are sick and this is very real. And don’t start me on all the fake news. I just had to stop. 

I’ve left the house maybe 6 times in these last 5 weeks to go to the shop, my shop to check in or the post office. And by hiding at home, and my walks in the country, having stopped watching the news, I can almost pretend I’m on a longggg day or 200 off 🙈 Going to the shop makes it all real.

While I’ve been home, I’ve been productive with clearing out the house and the wardrobe, doing makeup looks, plenty of walking. But not everyday. Some days, i wear gym gear but don’t work out. Some days it’s jammies all day. Some days I force myself to make tik toks cause after a while I laugh and enjoy the banter watching them and picking which ones I’ll do. 

There is no right way to do this. And you do not have to be productive. You can have a day, a week. A month. BUT don’t do what I have done loads, which is over think EVERYTHING.  Get out of your head. Just breathe. Like we all need to, and take this time to relax. Or to do whatever the fuck you want to do. But don’t over think. Don’t worry. Because it will all be okay.  I’ve been keeping busy because that’s how I cope with things, you do whatever you need to in this time that helps you with that too 💖

Sending so much love, and please stay safe .

SK xoxo

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MY GIRL.

She's high again. She must be. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, how to help her, to make her know there is more to life than this. That she has to pick herself up somehow and get herself back. Only she can do it, and I'm too far away to be able to help. I only get messages when she is really low. They don't make any sense. I don't understand where it went wrong. I don't understand how she is feeling, why she is doing this to herself. I feel like I know her, I'm connected to her, but yet I don't know how to be. How did this happen? Where did we lose her. It hurts. I don't think I get by one day without thinking of her. My heart is broken. No one understands when I try to talk about it, 'She's not the same girl you knew, you have to get over it.' 

I can't.

We 'lost' her to drugs years ago. 6 years ago, maybe longer. I say lost because she isn't the same. I can see it in a brothers eyes when I ask about it, 'She hasn't been here for a long time shawna'... A wrong crowd, the weed, the meth, cocaine, pills, heroin? ketamine. I was never there. I live in Northern Ireland, so I couldn't be there. I've been home twice since. 

The first time I saw her since this all happened she wasn't there anymore. The girl who was my soul mate, my sister, my best friend. She was literally shaking, she was scared and nervous to see me. But I was too. I was sad because I know my soul sister is in pain. I feel it everyday for her, I can't help her and it kills me. She feels like she has no one but yet she is pushing everyone away and she won't get help. I went upstairs and I cried. I cried for the memories we had, how my life wouldn't have been the same without her. I cried that she couldn't be there for some of the most important parts of my life because she was in such a bad place, I cried for the memories we could be making but aren't because she won't get help. I cried because I left when I was 12, and what IF I stayed, and could have been there for her, through all of this and maybe helped? 

 I cried because little did I know, next time I was home to visit, she wouldn't want to see me, because she is ashamed, and thinks 'I'm successful' from what she sees online. Yes, I'm working hard, but that doesn't show how I feel. What's in my heart, what I'm going through in other aspects. And I'm far from where I want to be. And it definitely isn't something I would want as a reason someone I love so much wouldn't want to see me, and compare our lives. 

NEVER compare your journey to someone else's.

It's OKAY to not be OKAY. But we have to know when we need help, and ask for it. It's okay to need someone. Drugs is NOT the way, A man is also NOT the way. Not if he is also on drugs, pulling you down. Temporary happiness. If even. And the comedown from both? Not speaking from experience, but I'm sure it ain't great.

I have never touched a drug in my life. Well, I had a weed brownie one time when I was twenty, but that's it. This experience and seeing what it does to a family is enough to put me off for life. I've always been too scared of the effects it could have on my body, an overdose, just no. I had one boyfriend years ago snort coke in front of me, and I was like, Thank you, NEXT. I'm sorry if you do drugs, I always say I won't judge someone, and they can do what they want, that's all true, but for the love of GOD do you have that little respect for your life, for your family that you would snort it or inject it away? Oh, I only do it when I go out sometimes, Oh I'll only do it in Ibiza. No. Sorry. I'll never be on board with it. Keep your shit out of my face. If you want a lecture, Hi, I'm here for it. DON'T waste your life. And if you are deep, like DEEP- please get help.

Life is HARD. I'm not gonna lie, I see the appeal, the escape. Feeling free, something to take you away from all your troubles and worries, but for what? a day? Fry your brain a little more. This is an illness, and we can't give up on people. We can't give up on ourselves.

It's hard, but get the help, get out there, get a job, make some money, book a holiday, make a life. I know that might sound so hard when you're in a frame of mind, but baby steps. I've had such a struggle over the past few years, with a lot of different things mentally, and seeing other friends going through the same things, or different things that just get too much, but you know what I did, I turned to eating shite, being depressed, anxious and then realising, no this NEEDS to stop, I need to focus on me a little, so I joined a gym. I got rid of  'friends' that were no good for me, that were dragging me down or making me feel like shit, and picked myself the fuck up. I opened a business, not all in this order,  I'm still not where I want to be physically or emotionally, or in business and I probably could do with going to the doctor about my irrational fears/ silly little panic attacks, but so far by focusing on me, my business and having a few great girls and guys by my side has just helped. I couldn't get by without my people. They know who they are and big love to you <3

But in this life, I really think you find more then one soul mate. People that you meet, and that's just it. you know it fits with them. I'm lucky to have a few of those. My people. My loves, My sisters, brothers, family. And when they break, I break. Almost like a twinnuition people talk about, like twins just know or get a feeling, I think you get that with your people. Even if they are half way across the world. You can sense something isn't right. And you want to fix it. But only we can fix ourselves. Don't throw your life away. For your family who love you, for your friend who worries every day, but mostly, for you. DON'T waste your time worrying or feeling down, or caring what other people think, if you aren't happy, change it. And SCREW what anyone has to say about it.

If you need help, ask for it. Someone is always there to help someone who needs it. Don't waste anymore time. And don't push the people away who love you most and want to be there for you.

Do YOU, for YOU. 

YOU got this <3 


Love 
SK xoxo

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TWENTY | NINE

2 9

Twenty nine.

Two. Nine.

Nope.

I feel like Joey from friends around all their 30th birthdays. ‘Why God, why are you doing this to us?!!!’

One year older, another year wiser? Doubtful. Birthday’s are turning into this time I dread, apart from the great excuse to get together with all your besties and have great craic, I sit there after everyone is gone and think. This is it. I’m getting old. It’s not okay. I’m not okay.

My brain has turned to mush lately, I genuinely feel like I’m having a mid life crisis. Let’s not call it that cause like, I hope I’ve more than 30 more years left in me 🤢 IT’S SO SCARY. Like where did these 29 years go? And the years are only going faster, there’s so much I want to do and I feel like I nearly don’t have enough time. 

Last time I wrote a blog, and let you all into my crazy, it helped, because so many of you understood, so many of you thanked me for being so honest, because these things need to come to light I guess, and I think these things are more so now. Mental health, is no joke. And we all have so many thoughts, we are so hard on ourselves, and our minds can be our worst enemy. We are totally all in the same boat, different journey’s, but we all have to do this thing called life, the best we can.

Do I always make the right decisions? No.

Am I a good person? Debatable .

Am I trying to do the best I can? And trying to do what makes me happy at the same time? Yes. 

Unfortunately what makes you happy might not make others, and it’s pretty shit and pretty hard to get the balance right there. I wrote a blog back in September, and didn’t post it about a book I’ve been reading called ‘The life changing magic of not giving a F*ck’.

I find I’ve been implementing the practices in this book quite well, I definitely don’t care as much about what people think, like me or hate me, byeeeeeee. And my bullshit meter runs on level- not today 🤚. Which we all definitely should follow! 

But here, this post is supposed to talk me and you, into being more positive- because the point I made up there, we are all in this together, that right there should give us all some comfort. 

.......

I started writing this blog post yesterday, and didn’t get it finished as I couldn’t find the right words to finish it off. And today, I woke up to the awful news going on in our country, and 3 young people who lost their lives in Cookstown, waiting to have a good night out, the mother in Carlingford found in the Lough, and my post and my thoughts and anxiety seem so silly. This is so beyond devastating I can’t even begin to imagine the pain these families are going through, the people there that witness the horrific events, and the people there for a weekend in Carlingford that all went wrong.

A young girl in my work the other day said to me, ‘tomorrow is promised to no one’. And that hit me like a tone of bricks. Tomorrow, who knows. We only have now. Which gives me that complete loss of breath I talk about, but we have to go for it, live, not workworkworkworkwork just to get by, I know it’s so shit we have to work cause we need money to live, but try to not dwell on the things we can’t change, and make the absolute most of right now. 

My heart is truly broken for all the sadness in this world, so many things we just can’t control. And on the mental health front,  I just hope we can all be stronger  in ourselves. And truly live . ❤️

Easier said then done, but someone is always there for you if you need it. 

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone affected by the recent tragedies ❤️

Love,

SK xx

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